Poetry Tuesday – Let Down

I have no smile

To offer the world.

Turn me upside-down

So the blood rushes

To my head.

Then you see my smile.

I will close my ears.

Since I’m already blind,

Why not be deaf?

If I turn away,

Maybe the pain will go.

If I lay down my pen,

My voice will be silenced.

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Excerpt from Mile Marker 139 (WIP)

Calvin’s words strike Mike straight through.  His mouth hangs open for several seconds, the intake and exhale of breath slow.  He’s lost, disoriented, and can’t seem to find the ground beneath his feet.  There it is–the bench solid under his backside.  The phone–real and clutched in his hand.  He closes his mouth and swallows, trying to get his bearings.  His gaze is vacant, the interior of the rest area blurring in the distance.

“You’ve got me, Cal.”  Mike’s voice is a whisper, a scratchy plea of unused words that should have been spoken a long time ago.

“Thanks, Dad.”  The call ends, and Mike is left staring at his phone.  He stuffs it in his pocket and lifts his gaze toward the exit.  

Review of The Lamp and Lantern by A.E. Vaughn

41qh2iBbcaLSummary: The first series in the Lamp & Lantern contains ten episodes that portray a search for a legendary fictional gold mine lost in a cursed region of the northern Rocky Mountains. Along the way the cast of characters are drawn together by a common lust for gold as they reminisce about the past, speculate about the lost fortune, and share in the success and misfortune of those around them. In their pursuit of the lost mine they endure a myriad of challenges from this world and the next.

The target audience crosses between those that enjoy modern stories and television about outdoorsmen, survival, gold fever, and paranormal and unexplained mysteries. It brings many historical and modern concepts together to provide a new twist on a gold rush in today’s world. The manuscript simultaneously comments on people, large corporate deception, and greed while being intertwined with the reinvention of love in the main characters eyes.

During the first series the reader meets Jonathan Daxter, who spent much of his childhood with his grandfather and uncle searching a remote section in northern Idaho for the Lost Lamp gold mine. After growing up and moving away, Jon returns home upon the passing of his grandfather. He soon realizes that he has reached a breaking point in his career and relationship, and rekindles his long forgotten lust for the lost mine as a way out of middle class normalcy. Jon gathers a team of trusted friends and colleagues with whom he pieces together clues from stories and maps forgotten in history. Along the way they navigate through difficult mountainous terrain, encounter eccentric people, stumble upon clues lost in time, and cross over into a seemingly paranormal world lost in the remoteness and mystery of the area. In the end of the first part of the series the reader is left to believe that certain team members have fallen, others have split, and others may have indeed stumbled upon the Lost Lamp mine – and perhaps much more.

Note: I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

The novel opens with a 15-year-old Jon Daxter out in the Idaho wilderness with his grandpa Jim and his uncle Roger.  Jim tells his grandson stories about the lost gold mine they are searching for.  Jon knows finding this mine has been his grandpa’s life ambition, and he has gone out into the woods many times in search of it.  Right off the bat, there is a lot of narration used to tell the backstory of the mine.  It feels like the author is eager to give the reader as many details about the legendary mine, and it comes across as an information dump.  It’s too much too soon.  Grandpa Jim is an interesting character, but he could have been rendered more three-dimensional if his character hadn’t been used primarily as a source of giving information.

When Jim has a sudden stroke by a creek upon the trio discovering a symbol of the lamp on a tree, at a place they’ve never been before while on their search, it seems like that’s the end of the journey for Jon.  The narrative fast-forwards twenty years, and Jon is an executive in a large company in corporate America, highly unhappy with his lot in life.  He’s been living with the same woman since college.  The woman, Paige, has nothing better to do than laze about their apartment and watch T.V. and spend all of Jon’s hard-earned money.  Jon is clearly unsatisfied with where his life has gone.  His dreams in his youth have vanished to give way to a bitter, middle-aged man who hates his job and his relationship.  This is an interesting development for Jon’s character.  I like that he is given more of a backstory than just lusting after the gold like his grandfather.

All these years, Grandpa Jim has been catatonic from the stroke.  He has spent most of that time in nursing homes, but he comes home to die.  Jon is called back home because his grandpa is dying.  It’s been years since Jon has been back to Hayden, Idaho.  He sees his grandpa one last time, and miraculously, Grandpa Jim briefly becomes conscious and tells Jon some information regarding the lost gold mine.  He imparts cryptic messages, such as “The lamp lights your way, and the lantern guides you out.”

Jim passes away.  Jon meets up with his old high school buddy, Shim, while out drinking one night at home.  They get to talking about old times and the gold mine.  Shim is a colorful character who has some great lines.  

Then Jon must return to his unhappy life.  He is clearly done with his job.  The reader wants just as much as Jon to be out of his company, a place full of uncompassionate people who are only driven by greed.  While the corruption of a large company like this is believable, I am not sure everyone would be such a jerk as they are shown.  Only one coworker seems to care that Jon lost his grandfather.  This doesn’t match up with my life experience.

Jon finally decides to leave his job and his girlfriend and take up the torch from his grandpa.  He wants to find the lost gold mine.  He returns to Hayden and immediately asks his uncle Roger and his friend Shim to help him.  They begin gathering a group of people to help, those who have skills necessary to navigate through the harsh wilderness.  The group grows in size and meets to discuss what is already known about the mines and what their plans are.

The novel becomes several chapters of the characters sitting around talking about the above. There is very little action. Several characters seems to serve no purpose other than being source of information, so their lengthy paragraphs of dialogue come across as information dumps. People don’t talk like this. If you have a group of seven people sitting around, there is going to be much more exchange in the talking, especially when discussing something as dangerous as cursed mines that are surrounded by all sorts of lore, from ghosts, to landforms that change, to extraterrestrials, to the gate to hell, to wild Indians killing people, to people disappearing when they go looking for the mines, etc.

The idea behind the mines is certainly full of merit. It could make for a high-action, high-suspense, high-mystery, high-thriller tale, if only the characters would actually get off their behinds and get out there and actually search for the gold mines!  We have to wait through 75 percent of the book to finally get to the point of action!

I also like the idea of Jon having a sudden awakening in the middle of his life and realizing he’s been wasting his time doing unfulfilling things, and it taking the death of a loved one to finally snap him into action to make something out of his life. But the ideas alone are not enough. The story lacks a lot of momentum.

There is far too much telling going on, too little action. I would like to see more showing and action. I thought I was going to be reading about a dangerous, life-threatening expedition to find this gold mine, and instead, I feel I have been sitting in a room, growing bored as I listen to a bunch of guys talk and talk and talk. And why is the group just guys? Where is a woman in the crowd?

There are some saving moments of dialogue, especially between Hurk and Travis, two of the guys recruited to go on the trip. But again, it’s just not enough to drive the story forward.

There are also many punctuational errors and spelling errors littered throughout the book. I am not sure if this story went through an editor, but it doesn’t appear to have done so.

I wanted to enjoy this story more, but unfortunately, it just didn’t keep my interest.

2 of out 5 stars

Favorite quote: “The lamp lights your way, and the lantern guides you out.”

Buy The Lamp and Lantern on Amazon

Like what you’ve read?  Please subscribe to my blog, where I post a new blog every Friday, including book reviews.

My novel, Lorna versus Laura, is available for only $2.99 here.

My novel, Hannah’s Rainbow: Every Color Beautiful, is available for $3.99 here.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support me on Patreon!

Poetry Tuesday – Flame

I often find myself aimlessly thinking

About what life is really about.

The conclusion I reach

Is always the same:

I simply don’t know.

We can continue to sit here,

You and I,

But as the hours pass,

The wick on which the flame burns

Shortens until the flame dies.

In the darkness, you look at me,

But I fail to see you, really see you.

From your tired mouth, these words:

“Life is that flame.”

11.08/02

Excerpt from Mile Marker 139 (WIP)

The coffee shop job and potentially dating a nice guy like Benny are great, but it’s not what she wants.  Five years ago, she had dreams of living in New York and striking it big in the fashion industry.  She imagined having guys ogling her, hanging off her arms.  From their many conversations while working side-by-side, Sarah knows Benny is the type of guy who wants to settle down, which means marriage and kids.  Seeing Zelda’s marriage and other people in her family who have been divorced or are still sticking it out, despite their mutual misery, isn’t encouraging.

“You’ve got your whole life ahead of you,” Grandpa used to tell her.

Grandpa.  Sarah’s eyes mist over.  Who am I kidding but myself?  It was never about the fashion.

“Yeah,” Sarah mutters, sitting up.  She reaches for her diary and spends the next ten minutes scrawling her thoughts and feelings in it.  Her therapist encouraged her years ago to keep a diary, telling her that it might help sort out her thoughts.  The happy girl who smiles at the world echoes a lonely inside.  Sometimes, Sarah wakes from the nightmare that she’s a shell washed up on the seashore, her insides rotted away, and she’s just being tossed about wherever the current takes her.

She stops writing and sets the diary aside.  Waking early and working so many hours is taking its toll on her, and before she knows it, Sarah drifts to sleep.  Hours later when she wakes, she is surprised to find the sun much lower in the sky.  Just as she’s about to turn on some music to drown out the world and her mind, Mrs. Wilcox calls her for dinner.  With a sigh, Sarah drags herself to the kitchen to endure her parents’ questions about her day and their plans for her future.  It’s a conversation they have almost every evening, and Sarah plays the part well–answering questions in rehearsed fashion and keeping that smile plastered to her pretty face.

By the end of the day, she’s exhausted in every sense of the word.  She collapses into bed, its warmth and softness the most inviting thing she’s encountered all day.

 

No Regrets in Life

You’ve heard it said before: have no regrets.

You’ve probably also found yourself alone with your maddening thoughts, maddening both as in crazy and provoking anger. Your lovely mind has this magical ability to conjure out of nowhere every past fault, failure, and fracture. But such thoughts do have a hiding place. They lurk in the deepest recesses of your mind. You know, those places you put memories you wish you could forget.

But you don’t. Or can’t. Or maybe the masochistic face of you doesn’t want to.

Misery loves company, after all.

I can remember getting ready for work when I was in my 20s. Ah, such was the decade where I was caught between responsible adult and kid. My husband was already at work. I had the house to myself and a tendency to not want to get up in mornings. I hated mornings. While mornings and I still aren’t buds, we can tolerate each other now, but I digress.

I was often tired and cranky while getting ready for work because I stayed up too late. I guess you could say I regretted staying up late come morning–ha! But seriously, because of my already compromised state of mind, I would find myself ruminating on certain people in my life, both past and present, who I felt had let me down. I’d grow increasingly mad, to the point sometimes that I wondered why I had wasted precious hours, days, and years of my life with some of these fine folks. I’d have regrets for even knowing them, for letting them get to me, and for letting they still live rent-free in my mind.

Although it wasn’t really rent-free. I wasted countless energy and time over past hurts, over regrets, over things that couldn’t be changed.

I could go further–regrets over things I didn’t do, should have said, or a path I took. Could have. Should have. Would have.

Now, I’m not going to lie and say that I never go to those ugly places, those closets filled with boxes labeled “regret.”

If anything now, I regret having regrets–ha!

pablo (22)I’m not entirely sure how, or when, or even why, but somewhere along the road of my 30s, I came to understand a deeper truth: I can’t change the past or my circumstances, but I can change how I look at them.

I have no control over other people or what goes on in the world. The forces of nature are beyond me. The thoughts and actions of other individuals are the result of their free will.

At the end of the day or my life, the only thing I should have to regret, if anything, is my outlook on life. I have a choice every day to make: be bitter or be content. Contentment, I believe, goes beyond momentary happiness. Feelings are as fleeting as leaves blowing by on a windy day. To have inner peace, a resolve to keep going, to say I’m going to stand and not fall, that is true contentment.

Instead of looking at a failed relationship as a waste of your time and being angry at the other person and yourself, look at it as an opportunity to learn something. I believe everyone who comes in and out of your life can teach you something, even if it’s what not to do.

These are the words I etch on my heart and stamp on my brain. I hope they go deeper and imprint on my soul, that eternal part that is who I really am. I hope, at the end of the day and my life, that I have no regrets because of choosing to rise above.

There is no new wisdom in these words, but just a simple reminder I think we all need from time to time. Friend, if you’re filled with regrets, make a choice right now to let those ugly boxes of junk go. Fill your mental storage with memories boxes of love.

It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Nothing worthwhile is easy, I believe.

Like what you’ve read?  Please subscribe to my blog, where I post a new blog every Friday, including book reviews.

My novel, Lorna versus Laura, is available for only $2.99 here.

My novel, Hannah’s Rainbow: Every Color Beautiful, is available for $3.99 here.